Best Roasts To Make People Cry

Not every conversation is filled with thoughtful points—sometimes, people just know how to annoy you. That’s when good roasts to make them cry come in handy. If you want to end an argument or lighten the mood, a well-timed roast can make an impact.

Good Roasts To Make People Cry

IQ tests should come with refunds for people like you.
That hairline is playing hide and seek with your forehead, and it’s losing.
You’re proof that rumors can sometimes be worse than reality.
Your personality drains energy faster than a broken battery.
If ugly was a contest, you’d win by default and still ask for a rematch.
A doctor wouldn’t diagnose you; they’d just sigh and walk out.
Sarcasm hits you like a text to a Nokia—no delivery.
Being born wasn’t your fault, but staying like this is on you.
Trash bins reject you because they have recycling standards.
The floor feels sorry for carrying the weight of your bad decisions
Even a broken clock is right twice a day, but you never are.
The onion cried after hearing your story.
Mirrors should charge you for damages.
Crosswalks stop for pedestrians, but even they ignore your existence.
If the sea could talk, it’d probably beg you to stop throwing your nonsense into it.
Science proves black holes exist, and one’s sitting in your personality.
A shop full of talent couldn’t sell you anything useful.
Even a bag of air has more substance than your logic.
Your sense of humor is like a 404 error—completely missing.
A bag full of nothing still has more value than your opinions.
Peeling an onion is less painful than listening to you.
Mirrors probably file complaints after seeing your reflection.
You’re not just lost; even a GPS would refuse to find you.
Crossing the street is smarter than crossing paths with your logic.
The sea is vast and full of wonders, unlike your personality.
Science can explain most things but gave up on your existence.
School didn’t fail you; it just decided you weren’t worth the effort.
Even the floor has standards; it doesn’t sink to your level.

Roasts to Make Someone Shut Up

Talking to you feels like downloading a virus on purpose.
Batteries need recharging, but you need a complete replacement.
When you walk into a room, even silence gets louder to drown you out.
The last brain cell you had probably applied for early retirement.
Take a seat, but not too close to the floor; even it deserves some respect.
Arguing with you is like trying to teach algebra to a rock.
Every word you say should come with a “skip ad” button.
The air left the room when you started talking—it couldn’t handle the nonsense.
If opinions were currency, yours would be Monopoly money.
Save your breath; your words aren’t worth the carbon dioxide.
Even a calculator has a higher IQ, and it just adds numbers.

What to Say When Someone Roasts You

Nice try, but even insults sound smarter when I say them.
That comeback had potential… until you spoke.
Oh, you’ve been practicing? Keep at it; you might get there one day.
I’d roast you back, but your life beat me to it.
The last time someone cared about your opinion, dinosaurs roamed the earth.
Was that supposed to hurt? I’ve heard better from toddlers.
Your attempt at wit is as flat as your personality.
Congrats, you’re the reason the mute button was invented.
Are you done? Or do you want to embarrass yourself some more?
Wow, that comeback was so weak it needed CPR.

Savage Insults to Make Them Cry

Your secrets are safe with me. I never even listened to them in the first place.
You’re like a browser with 30 tabs open. No one knows what you’re doing.
Your school expelled your common sense before you even enrolled.

What’s a Good Comeback for “Cry About It”?

Don’t worry, I save my tears for things that actually matter.
You’re not worth the water weight.
You should cry too; it might finally clean up your attitude.
I would cry, but I already wasted my emotions laughing at you.
Why would I cry? You’re already a walking joke.
I’ll cry when your personality gets a glow-up, so… never.
Sorry, I ran out of tears dealing with smarter people.
Cry about what? Your failed attempts at being relevant?
I’ll cry later… after I forget this pointless conversation.
You’re not worth the tissues.

Best Roasts to Make Someone Cry Over Text

Your brain has more tabs open than Chrome, and they’re all frozen.
You’re like the extra ketchup packet nobody asked for—always there but never needed.
You’re about as sharp as a marble in a world full of diamonds.
Your vibe is so dry, it makes the Sahara look like a waterpark.
You’re like a Happy Meal—small, cheap, and full of surprises nobody wants.

Some Mock-Roasts That Will Make an Emo Cry

You’re so deep, I forgot where the bottom is… oh wait, it’s shallow.
Is your playlist as sad as your haircut?
You call it dark humor, but it’s just bad jokes in black eyeliner.
Are you brooding, or just constipated?
Your favorite color must be black… because your creativity died.
Not everything is a tragedy; sometimes it’s just you being dramatic.
You’re edgy? More like a dull corner.
Your tears fuel your poetry, but it still doesn’t rhyme.
Life isn’t hard; your eyeliner pencil is.
You’re so mysterious, even your personality doesn’t show up.

Good Roasts to Make a Boy Cry

A haircut would help… but so would a personality.
You’re living proof that girls settle sometimes.
The most interesting thing about you is your Wi-Fi name.
Your crush rejected you because you’re basically the human version of 240p.
You play video games so much, even your future is lagging.
You have big dreams, but a smaller brain.
Confidence is key, but in your case, maybe try a door instead.
If you had a dollar for every smart thing you said, you’d still be broke.
Your mom calls you special because it’s the polite thing to do.
You’re like a pop quiz—annoying, unnecessary, and nobody likes you.

Conclusion:

In the end, a good roast can be the perfect way to end an argument or bring some humor to the table. If you want roasts that make people cry, just be sure to use them at the right moment. And remember, keep it fun and light-hearted!

Savvanah Blaze

Savvanah Blaze is a master of wit and humor, bringing sharp comebacks and clever roasts to every conversation. With a background in directing and writing comedic short films, she knows how to craft the perfect punchline. At GOOD ROAST, she shares the best funny roasts and witty replies for any situation, making sure you’re always ready with the perfect comeback.