Best Funniest Roasts For Friends & Family | One- Liner Of All Time
Got that one friend who thinks they’re the funniest in the room but keeps serving up jokes drier than overcooked chicken? Or maybe you’re in a group chat where everyone’s trading roasts, and you need that one-liner to shut things down in the best way?
Well, you’re in luck. I’ve got the funniest roast ever that’ll leave your friends and family laughing.
Funniest Roasts For Friends - Best Roasts Ever Funny
- You bring a salad to every party. Too bad it’s just your personality dressing.
- This show is so slow, my popcorn expired before the first joke landed.
- Congrats on being consistent—your sense of humor is as flat as your car tire.
- You’ve got the energy of an alarm clock: annoying, persistent, and impossible to ignore.
- You’re like ice cream left in the sun—a complete meltdown waiting to happen.
- If there was a trophy for bad jokes, you’d win it every year.
- You have the energy of a substitute teacher who just gave up.
- Your barber didn’t just cut your hair, he cut your social life in half.
Funny One-Liner Roasts
- Your sense of direction is like your hairline—receding fast.
- You’re the rubber ball of the group—you bounce back no matter how hard life smacks you.
- You’re the reason they say, don’t quit your day job.
- When you said you had plans, I didn’t realize they were to embarrass yourself.
- You’re like a TV remote: useful, but I’d still lose you for days.
Roasts That’ll Make Everyone Laugh
- A baby might be adorable, but cleaning up after someone shouldn’t last past toddlerhood.
- Fashion tips from you are like a shoe with no sole—completely useless.
- Your mom is so cool, even Netflix asks her what to play next.
- Being as slippery as soap in a public shower isn’t exactly a compliment, you know.
- Your presence is like a vitamin—good in theory, but hard to tell if it actually does anything.
- If your life were a TV show, it’d be stuck on buffering—always loading, never arriving.
- The internet is the only place where a 12-year-old with a Fortnite username can absolutely destroy your self-esteem in three words.
- Netflix roasts hit harder than your Wi-Fi bill—one minute you’re laughing, the next, you’re questioning your entire existence.
- Your mom’s cooking is so good, it made the smoke alarm jealous.
For Adults
- Ever seen someone so bad at cooking, even the fire alarm sighs in frustration?
- If common sense was money, you’d still be in debt.
- Looks like someone took the term “beauty sleep” and skipped the second part entirely.
- Can’t tell if you’re arguing with facts or just aggressively agreeing with your reflection.
- Friendships are great because they let me roast you without consequence.
- You’re so bad at telling jokes, even crickets don’t bother chirping.
- Your comedy is like a magic show, disappearing laughs in record time.
For Kids
- You bring a backpack to school, but where do you keep your brain?
- You’re so bright… the sun just put on sunglasses!
- Your brain must be on airplane mode—because it’s not connecting!
- The sandbox misses you—especially since you left your logic buried there. Looking for more hilarious and kid-friendly roasts? Read more funny roast jokes for kids!
For Celebrity Roasts
- Justin Bieber has released more apology videos than albums.
- Tom Cruise makes incredible movies, too bad his height is still a short film
- You have the talent of a background extra in a silent film.
- Your career is like a flip phone—cool in the 2000s but irrelevant now.
- Hollywood gave you a chance, and you treated it like an expired coupon—completely wasted.
- Tom Brady has more rings than a jewelry store, but at this point, even his knees are filing for retirement.
- Dean Martin has the voice of an angel… if that angel smoked a pack a day and never took singing lessons.
Case Oh Roasts
- You’re so slow, Google finishes your searches before you even type them
- The only thing faster than your temper is your Wi-Fi when it’s not yours.
- You’re like COVID—nobody wants you around, but somehow you keep spreading.
- You’re so clueless, you’d need a GPS just to cross a bridge.
- You’re so slow, even doctors tell you to take a break.
Fat Roasts
- You’re not fat, you’re just easier to spot in a crowd.
- Even a seesaw would quit its job if asked to balance that.
- You bring the party, mostly because you come with snacks.
- The only thing you run is out of breath.
- You bring your own shade wherever you go.
- Your belt size is “equator.”
Funniest Rhyming Roasts
- Your jokes are weak, your game is bleak, even your dog thinks you’ve hit your peak.
- Your style’s a mess, your vibe’s a guess, when’s the last time you said yes to success.
- You’re so fake, even a mannequin would call you a snake.
- You dress like a clown, but the joke is still you all around.
- Acting like a guard but couldn’t protect a yard.
- You think you’re the CEO? Bro, you couldn’t even manage a free throw.
- You think you’re hot, but you’re just sweaty a lot.
Funniest Comebacks
| When They Say… | Funny Comeback |
|---|---|
| You’re ugly | At least my mirror doesn’t file a restraining order every morning |
| You’re dumb | Coming from you, that’s like a fish calling someone wet |
| You’re fat | Jealous? Not everyone gets to have built-in winter warmth |
| You’re broke | If being rich means acting like you, I’ll stay happily poor |
| You’re annoying | Aw, did I interrupt your daily moment of being useless |
| You look tired | Yeah, I was up all night worrying about how little you matter |
| You’re slow | I’d race you, but I don’t compete with background characters |
How to Roast Your Friends Without Hurting Them
Roasting your friends can be fun if you do it the right way. Think of it like telling a funny joke—make sure it’s kind and doesn’t cross the line. Here’s how:
- Check Their Mood
Make sure your friend is in a good mood before roasting them. If they’re upset or stressed, it’s not the right time.
- Know Their Limits
Everyone has boundaries. Avoid touching on sensitive topics that could hurt their feelings.
- Keep It Light and Fun
The goal is to make them laugh, not feel bad. Add a playful tone to your roast so it feels like a joke, not an attack.
- Focus on Connection
Roasting should make your bond stronger, not break it. If it’s done with love, they’ll laugh along with you.
Conclusion
The funniest roasts aren’t just about being clever; they’re about sharing laughs and making connections. So next time you’re roasting your friends, make sure it’s something everyone can laugh all together!
FAQS
Can roasting help build friendships?
Playful roasting can strengthen bonds when it’s mutual, respectful, and in good fun.
What’s a good roast for someone who’s always late?
You’re so late, even history has given up on you.
What are some funny roasts for social media captions?
Serving looks that even Photoshop can’t fix.
Born to make history… as a meme.
How do I handle a roast battle?
Stay quick, stay sharp, and never lose your sense of humor. Focus on wit, not insults.
Are there any rules for roasting friends?
Yes! Know your audience, avoid personal insecurities, and ensure everyone finds it funny—not just you.
What are the funniest roasts of all time?
You’re proof that even broken clocks are right twice a day.
Your secrets are safe with me. I never even listen when you tell me.