45+ Good Roasts That Hurt | One-Liners 2025

Ever been in a moment where you needed the perfect roast but came up blank? We’ve all been there! That’s why I’ve put together more than 45 good roasts guaranteed to cut to the quick—funny, clever, and sure to leave an impact.

From witty one-liners to classic burns, these roasts are perfect for anyone who enjoys a good laugh—and doesn’t mind a little friendly fire. So, grab your sense of humor and get ready to own the conversation like never before!

Good Roasts That Hurt Dirty For Your Friends & Family Members

Roasting friends and family is all about fun, but sometimes you need the perfect comeback. With these dirty roasts to win any argument, you’ll always have the last laugh—just make sure they can handle the heat.

Some people graduate with honors; you are just honored to graduate.
You’re like a broken faucet—always dripping nonsense and leaving a mess behind.
If brains were dynamite, you wouldn’t have enough to blow out a birthday candle.
If stupidity were a currency, you’d be on Forbes.
They say practice makes perfect, but I see you’re an exception.
Your sense of humor is like Wi-Fi—always dropping when needed most.
Common sense called—it’s filing a restraining order against you.
This conversation feels like a marathon, and you’re the pebble in my shoe.
It’s amazing how you manage to stand out… for all the wrong reasons.
Takes you 20 minutes to reply, but five seconds to misread the message.
Your playlist is so bad, even shuffle skips your songs.
Lost your wallet? Don’t worry, your personality wasn’t in it.
I’d roast you, but nature already did the job.
You’re the kind of person who claps when the plane lands.
If ignorance is bliss, you must be the happiest person alive.
You bring chaos wherever you go, like glitter at a craft party.
I’d call you sharp, but that’d be an insult to knives.
Brains aren’t everything; in your case, they’re nothing.
I’d listen to you, but my headphones are already in.
You’re like a light bulb—always flickering and about to go out.
Your brain’s like a screensaver—on but not working.
You’re like a vending machine—expensive, slow, and nothing useful comes out.
Your ideas are so original, even Google says, ‘Did you mean something else?’
You’re proof that even the delete button has its limits.
If I wanted background noise, I’d turn on a fan.
You’d argue with a mirror and still lose.
You remind me of a flat soda—disappointing and no fizz.
If being annoying was a job, you’d be the CEO.
I’d call you a clown, but even they bring laughter.
You’re the human equivalent of a 404 error.
I’d say you’re one of a kind, but duplicates aren’t allowed.
You’re the reason silence is golden.
You’d be great at hide and seek—nobody’s looking for you.
You’re like a book with missing pages—hard to follow and incomplete.
The silence after your joke hit harder than the punchline.
Explaining things to you feels like trying to download a 1TB file on dial-up.
Watching you work is like watching a loading bar freeze at 99%.
Conversations with you have the same energy as a slow elevator ride.
Thanks for your input; it’s been as helpful as a second belly button.
I tried to help, but you made it harder than it had to be.
I’d agree with you, but I prefer being correct.
I tried to listen, but you lost me in the first 5 seconds.
I’m not saying you’re confused, but the GPS gave up on you.

One-Liners That Hurt

The awkward silence speaks better than you.
Confidence is great, but yours came unearned.
Called dibs on bad ideas? No wonder you’re first.
Talking to you is like downloading a virus on purpose.
Borrowed a brain cell from me, and still couldn’t figure it out.
Forgot your brain at home today, or is this the usual?
If laziness was an Olympic sport, you’d still miss the event.
You’re like a cloud—always around but barely helpful.
You bring the “why” to Wi-Fi—always disconnecting.
You’re like a broken pencil—pointless most of the time.
Confidence is great, but yours could use a reality check.
They say practice makes perfect, but you’ve been practicing failure a lot.
Even Google wouldn’t know what to do with you.
Life gave you lemons, but it seems you misplaced the recipe for lemonade.
Your talent for making everything awkward is unmatched.

True Roasts That Hurt Clean

As helpful as a pencil with no lead in an exam.
Your memory is so bad, even goldfish laugh at you.
Cooking dinner? Smoke detectors love your recipes.
An alarm clock could do your job better and with fewer complaints.
Every story you tell feels like a rerun.

Good Roasts That Hurt for Kids

Roasts for kids should be fun and lighthearted. When done the right way, they can be creative, make everyone laugh, and even bring friends closer.

Eating snacks again? Save some for tomorrow’s lunch!
Forgot to study? At least your excuses are consistent.
Your ability to avoid chores should be studied by scientists!
Your room is so messy, even a treasure map wouldn’t help!
Homework didn’t disappear—it ran from you.
Hiding behind your mom in dodgeball isn’t a strategy.
I saw your attempt to draw—it’s abstract, right?
I heard your excuse—it’s as old as dinosaurs.
I didn’t know running away from homework was a sport!
I thought your gaming skills were a myth, but now I know it’s a comedy.
I’m surprised the basketball didn’t ask for a restraining order after all those airballs.
I didn’t know eating chips could be a full-time job.
I was going to ask for your advice, but then I remembered your last “brilliant” idea.
I thought you were being quiet because you were wise, not because you forgot the answer.

Roasts That Hurt And Rhyme

You try to shine, but all you do is whine.
Your big idea? It’s the joke of the year.
Life’s a race, but you’re running in place.
You’re like a kite—high hopes, no height.
You swing for the moon, but you land in the lagoon.
You’re a firecracker with no spark—just bark.
You aim for fame but trip on the name.
You’re a ship with no sail—always set to fail.
You’re chasing the dream, but it’s stuck in a stream.
Your ideas bloom slow, like grass in the snow.
You talk so much, but with no spark, like a flashlight without the dark.
You call that a joke? It doesn’t even poke.
Lost your key, blamed the tree, but it was just your memory.
Run a race, but you’re off the pace; even a snail could take your place.
Your selfie game’s so lame, the mirror’s avoiding the blame.

Brutal Roasts That Hurt

You bring down the average IQ of every room you enter.
Your spelling’s so bad even autocorrect gave up on you.
The teacher’s patience isn’t infinite, but you’re testing its limits.
You’re the reason why warning labels exist on everything.
Being unique doesn’t always mean being good—proof right here.
Your sense of humor is like a broken clock—right twice a day.
You’re a great example of why aliens don’t visit Earth.
If procrastination were a superpower, you’d be a superhero.
Your comebacks are so slow they arrive by snail mail.
Trying to understand you is like trying to explain memes to grandparents.

Sarcastic Compliments That Hurt

Wow, your ability to do nothing is truly inspiring.
You’re like a math problem—nobody wants to deal with you.
Oh, you’re still trying? That’s…adorable.
Congratulations on setting the bar so low—it’s a new record.
You have a bright future…if naps become a career.
Amazing—you’ve turned overthinking into an art form.
You’re so unique—like an empty jar of peanut butter.
Impressive how you always manage to find the wrong answer.
Your determination to avoid effort is unmatched.
You’re a genius! For making bad ideas seem like good ones.

Blunt Truths That Hurt

Saying sorry doesn’t erase stupidity, but hey, at least it confirms you recognize it.
Some people have the backbone of a screen door—flimsy, unreliable, and easily blown away.
Even sloths accomplish more than people who “plan to start tomorrow.”
If avoiding blame was a sport, you’d be an Olympic gold medalist.
You’re not shining—you’re just taking up space in the sky.
Honesty is the gift nobody wants but desperately needs.
A fancy name doesn’t make up for a basic personality.
Life isn’t multiple choice, but somehow, you still manage to pick all the wrong answers.
Your brain must be on airplane mode—connected to nothing, yet still draining energy.
Sweet on the outside, empty in the middle—like your best efforts.
You keep chasing success like it’s a rainbow—pretty to look at but never within reach.
You say you’ve come a long way, but in what direction?

Savage Observations That Hurt

Saying sorry doesn’t erase stupidity, but hey, at least it confirms you recognize it.
The sun doesn’t have favorites, but it definitely throws more shade at some people.
A dictionary is full of useful words, but none of them seem to describe whatever nonsense is going on here.
Some people have the backbone of a screen door—flimsy, unreliable, and easily blown away.
Even sloths accomplish more than people who “plan to start tomorrow.”
If avoiding blame was a sport, you’d be an Olympic gold medalist.
You’re not shining—you’re just taking up space in the sky.
Honesty is the gift nobody wants but desperately needs.
A fancy name doesn’t make up for a basic personality.
Life isn’t multiple choice, but somehow, you still manage to pick all the wrong answers.
Your brain must be on airplane mode—connected to nothing, yet still draining energy.
Sweet on the outside, empty in the middle—like your best efforts.
You keep chasing success like it’s a rainbow—pretty to look at but never within reach.
You say you’ve come a long way, but in what direction?

Funny Roasts That Hurt

An old phone with a cracked screen still functions better than your decision-making skills.
If moving slowly was an Olympic sport, turtles would be your only competition.
Some people smooth things out like butter—you’re more like sandpaper, making everything worse.
Picking a fight with you is pointless—you’d lose an argument with a mirror.
A pencil with no lead is still more useful than half of your plans.
Life didn’t hand out clown licenses, yet here you are, fully certified.
Wearing a crown doesn’t make someone a king, just like having opinions doesn’t make them right.
Those eyebrows are working overtime to express emotions your brain hasn’t caught up with yet.
A truck stuck in the mud has more direction than some people’s life goals.
Terrible is an understatement—there should be a new word just for this level of disaster.
The sun sets every day and still accomplishes more than some people do in a year.
Even a dictionary can’t help if the words going in don’t make sense.
Shampoo bottles come with instructions—maybe life should too.
Collecting bottles is fine, but collecting bad habits like they’re trophies isn’t.
Puppet shows are meant for entertainment, not as an example of how to live life.

Conclusion

Roasting is all about fun and laughter, but it’s important to keep things light-hearted. Above more than 45 good roasts that hurt give you plenty of clever lines to use with friends or family. Always roast with kindness, keep it fun, and make sure everyone is laughing together!